DO YOU SAY YES, WHEN YOU SHOULD SAY NO?

Are you someone that always says "YES," even when you should say "No?" Sensitive people are especially prone to fall into this trap, because they are able to feel what others feel. And when you feel someone's pain, it's hard not to identify with it. And when the people who experience pain ask you to do something for them, you do it. How can you say "no" to someone who's having a hard time and is suffering so much?

Let me tell you how to do that: "NO." You look at them, and without saying any word, you whisper to yourself: "I can see that you are suffering, and I can see that it is hard to go through what your are going through. However, I will respectfully bow to you, and step back, while you deal with this situation."

Why would you do such a thing? Why is this so important? Because when you step back in such a situation, you create space around the person who is hurting to find their own feelings, to understand what they feel, and eventually to see a solution to their suffering. Yes, it may take a while, but unless you step back, they don't even stand the chance to dealing with their situation.

If you don't bow and step back, and say "yes" instead, you will take their burden on your shoulders. Then you will feel confused because you don't understand what's going on with YOU. After that, you will try to figure out why you feel the way you do, and it will not be possible to make any sense of it. Finally, when you realize that all the pain, the despair, and the sadness you were feeling were not yours in the first place, you look around and you see your friend happily going about his life.

Where is this situation going then? He or she has not resolved the pain, it's just buried deeper. You are confused, and I can guarantee that soon enough you will be angry. And the energy that was trapped by the suffering is not being released. It's just stored for later, when the cycle begins once more.

Conclusion? You and your friend may be better off when you do say "no" to a request for help. Not because you are selfish, or because you don't want to help. But because you may not be able to help, and your friend really needs to deal with his situation. Your time is not wasted then, and you can help your friend, when it's really time to offer support and love. Then you will be able to do that, because you are focused, and full of energy.

Try that the next time you know that you should say "no." Gently ease into teaching yourself to not accept everyone's pain. You will find that your life will blossom, and your energy will lift you.

In our upcoming immersion retreat Saint-Germain will teach the importance of setting boundaries around yourself, especially as a teacher or healer. By creating a space that others can only access by invitation, you are making it possible for yourself to focus and create the kind of work environment that you desire, but you also make it clear to the world who are the people that you really want to work with. You can't help everyone, neither should you try this. If you do, the risk is of you being exhausted, frustrated, and possibly unable to have tangible results in the work that you do.

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